Resources

I share these recordings, books, and groups with clients as part of our work together.

Suggested reading

The Body Keeps the ScoreBessel van der Kolk: trauma and its effects on the mind and body.
Trauma
In an Unspoken VoicePeter A. Levine: understanding how the body responds to trauma and the process of healing.
Trauma
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature ParentsLindsay C. Gibson: understanding the effects of emotionally unavailable parents and finding your own way forward.
Trauma
MindsightDan Siegel: understanding your mind and emotions.
Understanding emotions
UsTerry Real: working through difficulties as a couple.
Couples
Secure LoveJulie Menanno: understanding attachment and building a more secure relationship.
Couples
Facing CodependencePia Mellody: codependence, boundaries, and self-worth.
Recovery

Resources for couples

The feedback wheel

Choose one experience to talk about and take turns sharing:

  1. What happened: what you saw or heard.
  2. What I thought it meant: how you understood it.
  3. How I felt: the feelings that came up for you.
  4. What I'd like: a specific request for the future.

As you listen, try to understand your partner's experience, even if you remember things differently.

From Terry Real's Relational Life Therapy.

Taking a break during an argument

  1. Choose a word or gesture to signal a pause.
  2. Let your partner know when you need a break.
  3. Respect the pause, even when you have more to say.
  4. Give each other some time apart.
  5. Agree on a time to return, and keep that agreement.

A break is easier to take when you both know you will come back to the conversation.